The nervous driver's guide to road trips

I’m a New York City kid, which means by 3 years old, I was regularly requesting artichokes as my veggie of choice and my first public tantrum was in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It also means I didn’t really learn to drive until my 30s.

This past summer, I was determined to remedy that, and I was working against the clock: My dad and I booked an August road trip to the Catskills Mountains, for which I’d be the chauffeur.

I’d taken a few highway lessons pre-pandemic, but to brush up on my skills, I enlisted the help of Professional Driving School of the Americas. Having spent the better part of $1,000 on several highway lessons and, I’m pleased to report, successfully driven my father to Kenoza Hall, I’m ready to share my wisdom. And lest you fear taking advice from the woman who had a meltdown at a gas station when she couldn’t figure out how to work the pump, rest assured I’ve asked the experts for their advice, too.

Also, it goes without saying, but if you’re feeling anxious about driving or are an inexperienced driver, seek the help of a driving school. “Driving is truly overwhelming for almost everyone, especially for beginners, and the toll is more for those who have fear of driving,” said Wilhelmina Valenzuela, operations supervisor of my driving school. “The majority of our students’ fears are superficial, caused by the absence of knowledge and skills about driving,” she said, coupled with the thought of maneuvering busy city streets. Before you rev up your engine for that road trip, consider these six tips to put you at ease.

It sounds obvious, but learning how to navigate gas stations is an oft-overlooked part of driving. Before your first time behind the wheel, or if you haven’t driven in a while, ask your driving instructor or a loved one to head to the gas station with you—multiple times. Though I did this once during my highway driving lessons, it wasn’t enough to feel confident at the gas station, let alone know how to open the fuel tank with ease. Speaking of which: If you’re renting a car, be sure to check the manual or ask at the desk for any quirks when it comes to opening the gas tank; I had rented a recent Hyundai model and didn’t know I needed to press a button inside the car to open the tank.

I wish I had come up with a ritual before my trip to tone down my jittery energy. Getting in the right headspace with a calming routine is central to a less-anxious drive, said Leah Riddell, MS, LCMHC, LCAS, a therapist who has successfully treated driving fears in many of her clients. It can be as simple as having a pump-up song that you listen to when you grab your keys or pack up the car for the day, she said.

Once you're in the car and before you start driving, sit in the driver's seat and notice how your body feels and look at all the buttons and pedals, she said. “It is important, especially if your anxiety comes from danger-based fears, that you create a bubble of safety right there in the driver's seat,” said Riddell. Particularly, if renting an unfamiliar car, try as best you can before starting your journey to learn where and how to use all the buttons.

Along those lines, Riddell also suggested that if you have any passengers, let them know that you're anxious and you would appreciate a calm car. “Once you're on the road, only play music if that is calming for you,” she said. I’m a giant music fan, but at this point in my driving career, WQXR, New York’s classical music station, is about the only thing I can manage when I’m at the wheel. Don’t let fellow road-trippers sway you to blast Taylor Swift or Jimmy Buffett if that makes you uncomfortable.

There are two key things that have stayed with me about foot placement. First, place your right foot between the gas and brake pedals so it’s easier to pivot between the two, said Valenzuela. “This will shorten your reaction distance and braking and gas application will be smoother compared to lifting the foot from one pedal to another,” she said. Second, Valenzuela also recommended covering your brakes when you anticipate sudden movements by resting your right foot on the brake pedal without pressing, just to have swift access when you need it.

On my penultimate driving lesson, I remembered to ask my instructor about the spiffy phone mount he had in the car. He gave me some recommendations and I settled on the Eyemay 2023 Upgraded Car Phone Holder Mount ($10), which I ordered with plenty of time to spare before our trip. I was able to easily mount my phone through the air vent in my rental car so the GPS on Google Maps was easy to view and hear. (On that note, be sure to download your maps offline, you never know when you’ll have spotty service.)

Other handy accessories to have on hand? An open cup or rambler—I love a Yeti rambler—so you don’t have to fiddle with a lid while you’re driving, and a good pair of sunglasses (in a place you can easily access them).

One of my biggest regrets from my driving lessons experience is that I didn’t schedule any lessons in the evening or when it was raining; two things I had to face on my road trip. For driving at night, Michael Dominguez of CarFixerGuide.com, echoed that being on the road post-dusk, with glare from oncoming vehicles and reduced visibility, can be stressful. To assuage these nerves, he advised ensuring your windshield is clean, as dirt can amplify glare. “When faced with high-beam lights from the opposing direction, shift your gaze to the right edge of your lane or use the road markings as a guide,” he added. “Keeping your headlights on low beam (unless the road is poorly lit) is courteous and safer for everyone.”

Going into a road trip knowing what you’ll do if anxiety gets the best of you is a game-changer. Thankfully, I didn’t have any on the road, but there was one particularly tense moment where I was trying to reverse out of a tight parking space and catapulted the car forward on accident before my dad swooped in and saved the day. Things will go wrong, deep breaths are your friend.

If you do find yourself panicking on the highway, Valenzuela suggests first pulling over if you can, with your hazards on to warn others, or moving to the slower lane. In stressful situations, recite mantras like “I trust in myself,” “I believe in myself,” or “I can do this and I can’t let my anxiety take over.” (Try humming too, as it can calm you.) And most importantly: don’t let other drivers and their honking intimidate you. You’ve got this.