Why traveling alone makes me a better parent
One mom on the joys of toy-free carry-ons—and rediscovering herself along the way.
Before having my son, now 9, and daughter, 6, I was a pro at traveling solo. I scraped up money to backpack my way across five continents, but after becoming a parent, everything changed. Though my desire to travel solo never faded, my fear of failing as a mom kept me from venturing into the world alone for years.
In 2018, however, when my cousin and best friend, who's also a mom, started to lose her decade-long battle with breast cancer, I decided that I no longer wanted to wait. So I took the leap, and my first solo-travel journey after become a parent was an expedition to Antarctica.
Nowadays I spend the bulk of my time as a freelance writer, working from a dining table–turned desk in a tiny corner of my cluttered house. When I'm not writing, I'm battling the mountain of mom to-dos, which is why, about once every quarter, I carve out a few days to travel to a new place—alone—to recharge. Whether traveling solo to learn something new, meet new people, or to just sleep in, I've found that I always return home refreshed and ready to get back to the business of parenting again. Here are a few of my best tips:
Know the power of a play-themed time-out
It was in Saint-Martin, a small island that had been on my “go” list for years, that I was reacquainted with the art of play. I ziplined at Loterie Farm, donned a lab coat and created my own fragrance at Tijon, a local perfumery; snorkeled in the teal-blue waters near Creole Rock, and enjoyed a delicious meal at Karibuni Restaurant, which is perched on a thumb of land jutting into the sea.
After frolicking during the day, I returned to my condo-style room at the Grand Case Beach Club, where I'd sit on my balcony overlooking the sailboats and the ocean while watching the sun set, feeling grateful for my own "time-out."
Use the time to learn something totally new
As a native Floridian, I never had experience with winter sports. But then came the opportunity to take a trip to the Sunday River Ski Resort in Maine, where I took my first ski lesson at age 45. Even as I learned to "pizza" and "French fry" my way down the bunny slopes with a bunch of toddlers, I could not have been more proud of myself. After graduating to the next level, I took the lift higher up the mountain with my instructor. As I zigzagged my way down, I felt more alive than I had felt in years—a great reminder of the joy of learning something new.
Solo travel is a way to quiet the parts of my brain that are always on: That ski experience would've been different had my kiddos been with me—my mind would've been fractured worrying about their safety.
Take a break—or a nap, if you need one
After weeks of back-to-school prep, I headed south to Asheville, NC, in the Blue Ridge Mountains. My goal was to eat my way around a city known for its dining scene. But even though the food was scrumptious, the star of this trip was the uber-comfortable bed at The Foundry Hotel, a former 20th-century steel factory-turned lodge. It was there where I sequestered myself and got comfortable taking midday snoozes—something a parent can rarely do with little kids at home.
A quick, semi-philosophical checklist for solo-traveler parents
Everyone's household is different. If a trip abroad—or even a few states over—is too far or too expensive for you, enlist a family member or trusted friend to watch the kids and check into a local hotel to enjoy the silence, even just for one night. No matter where you go, keep these tips in mind:
- Get ready, then let go: Tick as much as you can off your to-do list before your trip—that way, you'll really enjoy the experience. But also get comfortable with the idea that everything at home is not going to be done perfectly while you’re away—and that’s totally okay.
- Establish no-call times: Translation: times that your family cannot call you. Otherwise, you'll never get the break you feel you need.
- Mitigate the ‘mom guilt’: If 'mom guilt' can be a powerful force in everyday life, it can really do a number on you while you're away. I've learned to keep it in check by limiting my trips to three to four days, max, and taking two or three a year.
