Last night I was in Albuquerque on my way to Dallas. I had been driving for nearly 9 hours and it was late, so I decided to get some dinner and a room, any room. The cheapest rooms available were apparently at the Motel 6, according to the $33 rate being advertised.

As I pulled up to the place, I had to walk in a "night lobby," designed so that the customer and desk clerk could communicate through a bullet-proof window. While waiting for the lady in front of me to finish with the clerk, a woman behind me asked if she could borrow my phone. When she gave it back, I noticed that she reeked of cigarettes and had some interesting holes in her jeans, creating a full view of her panties. These things should have been enough a a hint.

My room wasn't that bad, at first. I noticed it was a little small, but hey, it was cheap. The stench of weed in the air was a little disturbing, as was the ashtray with a no-smoking sticker on it, despite the non-smoking room designation. A trip to the bathroom led to the realization that the toilet would run all night, as the flapper was too big for the hole it was covering, not to mention there was crud everywhere in the tank. I took a seat on the bed and turned on the TV. All the channels were fuzzy. The people in the room next to me were fighting. Someone else had just flushed a toilet, but from where I couldn't say. All of this I was willing to deal with, as the room was cheap as could be, but the deal-breaker was the bed.

After I finished flipping through channels I looked down at the comforter. I counted 4 cigarette burns directly in front of where I was sitting. Closer inspection revealed stains. They were everywhere, and white.

It took me about 3 minutes of standing in the middle of the room and just thinking about the place I was actually in before I packed up and got the heck out of there. On the way back to the lobby I noticed an Albuquerque patrol car slowly making its way around the parking lot. The clerk wouldn't give me my money back because it had been over 15 minutes since my check-in time.

The next town over, Moriarty, had a Holiday Inn Express for only triple the price. Just like the commercials said I would, I feel much smarter today.