Orley House, Drogheda September 3-6, 2014
Oh, where to begin. How about the directions? "Orley House, Bryanstown, Dublin Road, Drogheda." We first approached from the north. "Exit the motorway at exit 10. [so far so good] Head for N1 Dublin Road. [no sign indicating where that road might be.]" We ended up back on the motorway and attempted to approach from the south. "Exit the motorway at Drogheda South, exit 7. Drive straight through Juliantown, [no indication of where Juliantown is], pass the Boyne Valley Hotel [the hotel is 1/2 mile off the main road on a dead-end street], "next you will see The Black Bull Inn on the right [wow, it's really there!]. We found it only because of asking directions. How about a real address? With an actual address, the GPS would have gotten us there in less that the hour it took and with much less frustration. And as a "plus," the house isn't even on Dublin Road and Bryanstown is the name of the neighborhood.
We parked. Five rooms, four parking places and a brick wall that makes exiting dicey except for the first 2 spaces, and they're only slightly less dicey. My husband Greg asked me to direct him when we left, a rare event as he is a retired police officer and is a highly trained driver. Greg went to the door, came back, reported that the man had shown him the room and given him the key and I would not like the room. How right he was. There was a single bed in the alcove, and an odd-sized bed in the "main" area--53" wide, wider than a single, not wide enough for a double. There were no chairs and no place to sit except on the beds. No desk, only a narrow table. One electric plug. There was no place to put luggage except where we had to move it to get into it or where we would stumble over it. I put my suitcase in the bathroom.
"Guest bedrooms are most inviting, comfortable, and spacious . . .." Really?!?!? The total area in the "spacious" bedroom was 117.5 square feet, less about 45 square feet for the beds and table, leaving scattered areas of floor totaling 72.5 square feet. "[Y]ou will find Brenda's own special touches including natural extract toiletries [already partially used], an LCD screen [the size of small computer monitor and which requires the use of 2 remotes to operate] with DVD player [where does one sit to watch?] and a complimentary refreshments tray in your room [an electric kettle and teabags]." Clearly, the owner had converted an attic to add 3 guest rooms; the floor is carpeted over a joist, camouflaging it so that it not easily seen and causes toe stubs and stumbles.
On to the bathroom. The sink is behind the door, which cannot, therefore, open all the way. The faucets must be turned 180 degrees before water flows. The shower is 1/4 of a circle with a 30" radius, meaning that if one is overweight, one will not have adequate room to wash oneself. The small flush on the toilet operated only with great effort and a long index finger. The website claims heated towels bars. Ours certainly was not heated, a petty complaint I know, as I think that devices that heat one strip of a towel are inane at best. SAFETY WARNING: the ceiling over the toilet (and the alcove) is 5' 8" high. Greg hit his forehead so hard trying to use the toilet that he saw stars and had to go lie down. Later, in exiting the shower and hanging up his towel, he banged the back of his head on the low ceiling's edge. The room across the hall was left open twice while we were there, and I was able to see that the bathroom in that room had the same problematic ceiling in the bathroom. In my opinion, those rooms should be let only to dwarves and children.
When we returned on Thursday afternoon, the duvet cover on my bed displayed stains and dried matter. When we returned on Friday afternoon, the waste basket in the bathroom, which was full when we left and was the only waste basket in the room, was still full. The sink had apparently been cleaned, but whatever paper product (tissues? toilet paper?) that had been used was left on the sink in soggy clumps. The half-full shampoo was still there.
"[T]he famed Irish welcome and hospitality is assured [sic]." Really?!?!? The man showed Greg the room and disappeared. He made no effort to meet or welcome me. Neither of us ever learned his name. I first saw him at breakfast. Ah, breakfast. It begins at 8 a.m., too late for many activities, and therefore we missed breakfast 2 out of three days. Perhaps that was a blessing. My Thursday breakfast was accompanied by 4 hairs that were the color and length of the man's hair, one of them tucked neatly under my poached egg. We let them know that we would not be there for breakfast on Friday. I had hopes that they would do as other accommodations do--offer a take-with breakfast if you are leaving early. Not at Orley House. Not even an offer of coffee left in the "conservatory." We left for the airport early on Saturday and, as before, told them that we would not be there for breakfast. The man came to our room on Friday night and asked if we would like a take-with breakfast, but his real motive seemed to be that he had neglected to collect the vouchers for the three nights. Greg had shown them to him on Wednesday, but he did not ask for them, and as we had not stayed in a B&B before, did not know that he needed to have the vouchers.
"Staff have great knowledge of all areas." That might be, but one can't tap into that great knowledge if one cannot find the staff.
The website goes on and on about "Brenda." I might have seen her, once. While we were out on Thursday, they revarnished the front door, which is one that has the knob in the middle of the door. They did not see fit to notify guests of that fact. A message on a piece of paper taped to the window beside the door would have been nice. I entered the building after my husband and tried to shut the door by grasping the side, as the center knob was out of reach. It was sticky. A woman rushed out of a room to my left and told me to keep my hand off the door and that it would be dry in 1-2 hours. She then promptly disappeared back into the room from which she had come, never to return. That was her only contact with us. I am assuming that she was Brenda, but I can't be sure.
I think that Orley House deserves, at most, one star; the wi-fi worked. It is a shame that our last impression of Ireland was Orley House.